xmas

One of my goals for this blog is to incorporate as many Brad Neely creations as possible. Now that Christmas is here I have a few gems to share with you.

It's What Love Means.

For all the lesser beings, those confused about love and life, a massive load of penis-envy floats around our city here on Sunday nights.

I felt a cleanliness in a dirty place. A place with disrobed Christmas dolls exalted by a semi-solid musk of greasy demons with sweaty balls and leaking peni.

The cleanliness was within an angel flailing her limbs above me in the rafters. This flailing I initially believed was the product of a Hurling Hex, similar to our hero Harry P on his broom, but slowly I began see that it was actually graceful dancing.

I proceeded to fall into a dreamy and sulking half-conscious state of drooling.

I thought to myself, “Jesus, how could this new God be here in this place?? She is a diamond! In a sandwich plated before an indestructible-teeth toddler that LOVES diamond sandwiches!”

I was lost in sorrow.

“She cannot shine in this shitty gut… Never in this shitty, shitty gut.”

I am indeed a hellion bastard, just as inferior as the rest of the panting strangers with tensing crotch muscles. How can it be? That I am here feasting with the other greasy beasts?

My beautiful half-naked dancing angel looked down upon my watery eyes and said to me,

“you are in the right place, Ryan. You belong here with me.” My crotch muscles released. “Now open your wallet and give me your shitty dollar.”

And so I did. No thrift store could ever buy me in like this.

I feel in love with a woman with giant boots and tiny neon shorts.

I feel in love with a go-go dancer at Dante’s.

Soul Night

After reading some of the posts I quickly realized that the poop monster is really the only one pooping (golden nuggets of literary genius) all over the blog and therefore feel obligated to contribute.

School is over. Finals are over. Out of Eugene. Into Soul Night. First night back into bridge city and I'm just jonesing to get my feet loose and let off some steam. Without even saying hi to the folks I head straight to "Soul Night", Portland's best foot loosen, knee banging, hips gyrating, heart pumping, beer drinking, and soul sexin spot in town. A place were people of all ages, sizes, and rhythmic abilities come to blow steam. Due to a perfect gas mixture of: 2 pints of IPA, a redbull, 2 shots of gin chased with lime, and 2 Olympia tall boys [its in the water], my dancing engine was running full force and in over drive. Steam was released, sweat was drained, and I went home an extremely happy and beat individual.

And while you're waiting for Friday to role around, clear your living room, crank this song, and get your soul practice on:

Sweet Soul Music

We Know Quality

You may be asking yourself what is art, how can it be judged, and who has the right to judge it? Bromansion knows what makes art and you could too. Just peep the shit we lay out for you and maybe one day you too could write a pretentious blog where you critique other peoples talent that you dont have. With that let me lay some real shit on you. If you dont like this, then you're just a Philistine.
Selleck Waterfall Sandwich