The Matrix

About a decade ago a little known independent melodrama film was released warning of a technological appocalypse, it was dubbed The Matrix. Humans were enslaved by the technology they created and a only a handful of humans waged a resistance against the machine army. This may only seem like a badass sci-fi film, but do not be so easily fooled. Enter man's favorite toy the iPhone. This convenient play thing is taking over the lives of millions with its on the go web access. We are on the cusp of human destruction. There is really only one reason that any person should have to disengage from their iPhone and that is sex. The iPhone knows this hence the soon to be released iPhone 5. While constantly interacting with an iPhone may seem like masturbation the iPhone 5 will actually be masturbation (consequently destroying the entire market for the fleshlight). While the entire human race is pacified the iPhone 5 will create deadly assassin robots in the form of iPhone 6, like some Terminator rise of the Machines Shit, that will enslave the human race. We must look to the ones that saw it coming, the Luddites. The Luddites were a group of British textile artisans that destroyed mechanized knitting looms. We must all join as modern Luddites and take up our hammers, axes, and guns (without computer targeting systems) because shits about to get real fucked up. Join me in our rally cry, "I will have phone sex, but never sex with a phone!"